Square One

Hello again! Sorry it has taken so long to continue my story! I had it all ready to publish and it was deleted somehow! So I had to redo everything! haha. On my previous post, I talked about my first traumatic brain injury. Looking back, I cannot believe that I survived that. It was like living your worst nightmare. Yes, there are worse things than a traumatic brain injury, but as an innocent teenager, it was rough.

In my previous blog, I left off saying that when I was finally able to go back to school in the fall, for my sophomore year, it was so great to be a regular teenager for a while, because it really was. Think of it like you got paralyzed and had to be in a wheel chair. After about 10 months, you were able to walk again for a short period of time. Then something happened and all of a sudden you were back to square one, paralyzed again.  I cannot tell you of how hard having another concussion was for me. I am happy that I was able to experience "normal" again, even if it was only for a brief period of time.

I have been an athlete all of my life. I played soccer since I was probably about 3 and played until high school. I've done other sports like softball, basketball and stuff along those lines. During middle school, I picked up volleyball and played it my freshman and sophomore year. In fact, when I started volleyball again after my first concussion, I didn't know if I would make the school team.  I did make the team but I was probably the last one to make it!  At first after a long day of school, I was so physically and mentally exhausted that I thought I couldn’t do it. But I kept pushing through. For the first few games I spent most of the time on the bench. By the end of the season I started and played in basically all of the matches. At the end of the year banquet, I was awarded the most improved player of the year. I know that this is not that big of an award, but for me, this was like seeing all of my hard work really being paid off for not only volleyball but for also working so hard on coming back from my concussion.

I have been a basketball player since I was about 7.  There were days where I would practice all day by myself. I really got a lot of satisfaction from basketball. There were also the hard days where no matter what I did, it seemed, the coach would pick on me. Basketball has always been a pretty big part of me. I was captain of a lot of teams growing up. In middle school, I was captain in my 7th and 8th grade year. As a freshman, I was co-captain for the JV team. This sport is literally a part of me. If you had worked really hard at something for the majority of your life, you wouldn't stop until you had to. So me being me, tried basketball again after my first concussion. I started going to the intramurals in the beginning of November. My mechanics were rough at first because I hadn't played for almost a year. But each day, I was getting better. To be honest, I was a little scared at first, but I loved being able to play again. I felt freedom. During this time, I was doing very well in school. I was very excited to be able to feel "normal.“  

On November 6th, about 1 week after I started basketball again, we were playing a drill. In this drill I was boxing out a girl and the girl jumped over me, came down on me and elbowed me in the exact spot that I had hit my head with my previous concussion. I must not have boxed her out very well. I was fine... or so I thought. I didn't fall to the ground, pass out or anything. The hit was hard enough that the assistant coach pulled me out for a little bit to get some rest, but we didn't think anything of it.... again... haha. I mean, who gets a concussion from an elbow to the head? Well…….apparently me! That night I told my family about the elbow to my head.  We were all concerned….I thought about it all weekend.  I finally decided that maybe I should give basketball a rest for right now and do it the next year when my head is more fully healed and ready to go.

About two weeks later I started getting the weird head pressure and aches.  I started not being able to follow what my teachers were saying or being able to remember things in school. At this point, I remember having a meltdown, because I really did not want to go through this nightmare again. On Thanksgiving weekend we knew that something was up for sure. I couldn't sit through a dinner at a restaurant because of all the noise and commotion. Everything started to bother me again. I just could not believe it!  I was back to square one. This really knocked me emotionally.   I worked so hard to come back to normal from the first concussion. I was just “out of fuel” and couldn't go through it again. I just couldn't!

We heard from a friend of a friend, who had kind of gone through a similar thing. They felt that I should go to this Osteopathic University that had helped her a lot. I tried it for about 3 weeks, every Wednesday.  To be honest, it was by far the weirdest place I have been too. The whole time I would just lay down and they would feel my head and try to communicate to and with my body. This did not help me, and throughout this time, everything seemed to be getting worse.

My mom had a meeting with the public school that I was attending. This time, they were so much more helpful and rather than “un-enrolling” me, they literally “froze” my grades for me. Understanding the importance of me having to “rest” my brain, they also told my mom not to have me come back to school after semester finals, January 21^st. This was a major blessing for me. I didn't have to worry about making up homework or trying to spend hours studying for finals.

 My mom and I eventually drove up to see the doctors at the Concussion Clinic in Provo on 12\17\14. They told me that I would get better but that it would take some time. They gave me hope, but as you can imagine, my emotional level was still bad.

During Winter break and Christmas, my family and I had planned to go to Idaho. My dad’s family has a cabin on the bank of Henry’s Fork of the Snake River. This is my favorite vacation spot! I was so excited to go there and be free from distractions and to just breathe the fresh air up in the mountains. Unfortunately, we had car problems.  We spent an unexpected night stay in St. George, Utah and in Rexburg, Idaho. This broke up the drive up, but because of this, we were only at the cabin for about 4 days.  I was limited in what I could do at the cabin. I just couldn't do the things that I love to do up there in the winter like sledding, snowmobile rides, snowball fights,  playing cards, and singing Christmas songs, but I tried to make the best of it with my head and everything. Let me tell you though, the 12 hour car ride back was not delightful.

I can't remember a lot of my second concussion symptoms because they have not come back to me yet. But I had pretty much have all of the same symptoms I experienced with my first concussion. I distinctly remember when my nausea came on. It came about the 2nd week of winter break. One night it was so bad that I couldn't even walk. I just sat down and cried for about an hour and a half until it finally calmed down a little bit. Yes, my head aches are bad, but this time the nausea seems to be the worst.  I can’t eat. I can’t sleep.  I can’t concentrate.   I can't do anything! It seems that I constantly felt sick to my stomach. For about two months, I lost my appetite. During that time I was also having some light sensitivity but not as much as with my first concussion.

After Winter break, I started to go to Physical Therapy.  I also made quite a few trips to a family friend who is chiropractor. The Chiropractor was one of my heroes from my first concussion.  My neck muscles were so tight. The Chiropractor and the Physical Therapist were both impressed with how tight I was. After about a month, the muscles still weren't relaxing. So my dad set up an appointment to have some trigger point injections. At first I was kind of skeptical and nervous about this, but then I remembered that my dad is an anesthesiologist! He does this type of stuff for a living, so I realized that I would be ok! haha. The trigger point injections helped me Big Time! Between Physical Therapy, seeing my chiropractor, and trigger point injections, my neck muscles began to loosen up and now don't feel nearly as tense anymore. This seems to have had a direct effect on my head pressure and headaches.  However, I still can’t figure out what makes me so nauseated!

I started going back school on the January 21st! HAZAAAH! At first I thought that it was going to be easy but unfortunately the first day, I only made it for an hour and 20 minutes!  I could barely even write my name.  I could not even follow what my teacher was talking about.  She gave me some notes and papers to put in my science note book for the next day.  That night I could not do it. I had to have my mom help me put them in order and number the pages. The next day I made a goal to stay until the end of second period. I left 10 minutes short, but I was able to go through most of it. When my mom asked me about the things we had talked about or done that day, I could not remember anything.  My goal was to make it to lunch by the end of the first week. I finally did. It was fun to see my friends but I couldn't stay for long because of all the noise and commotion added to my confusion and headaches. My goal was to go a little longer each day. I wasn’t able to make it through a full day of school during the next 2 weeks.  I was barely able to follow my teachers for about 5 minutes and maybe do one or two problems on an assignment. I could read a paragraph to myself but not out loud. As you can imagine this was really difficult for me. People would look at me I would hear them asking someone, “What’s wrong with "her". This really made my self-esteem low... It was great to see all of my old friends, but it was really hard when I saw them do things that I love to do, but could no longer participate in.

So after 3 weeks, I was still not processing much of the information I was being taught in school. I realized that this wasn't working. I heard from a friend, who also had post-concussion syndrome, that he was going to a school that is basically a “rehab” for people with traumatic brain injuries. This school is called NCEP (Nevada Community Enrichment Program). My mom and I followed him one morning to the school to check it out. When we got there, this lady took us into her office.  She lowered the lights, spoke softly, and directly to me. I could tell right then and there that she understood what I was going through.  I told her about my concussions and she evaluated me.  By the end of the evaluation she said that she thought this school could do a lot of good for me. She gave us a tour of the place. To be honest I was kinda scared and nervous about it... It seemed like a place that you would go and do service for.  Many of Its participants had some real serious neurological brain issues.   Can you imagine needing to be in a school like this? This thought of having to attend this school was difficult to overcome but it was also very humbling.

 I couldn't start going to NCEP until I was signed up to do my school classes with the “Homebound” school program.   We also had to get an appointment with a local neurologist in order to be admitted to NCEP.  When we went to see my new neurologist, I explained to him all of my symptoms and everything. He said that I definitely had post-concussion syndrome and that it would take some more time to get better.  We started some medicine that would help "jump start" my brain and basically to get it thinking again. My mom and I really liked him. Thank goodness! haha. But the one thing that I didn't like to hear from both the Provo doctors and the neurologist, was that it would again, take time, for me to recover. Honestly, this knocked me so hard emotionally. I wanted it to be all over quickly, I did not want to hear it would still take more time....

On my Birthday, February 25, I started Rehab at NCEP. It was pretty great. My first class was “Today's News”. We didn't get much done that day, because everyone was introducing themselves to me. I can't tell you how humbled I was. There were people in wheelchairs and walkers. There were people who could barely even speak. There were people who didn't even know where they were. I just felt so bad for them. Just knowing that a little while ago they were "normal" people, they were functioning human beings. I can't describe how that made me feel.

This was going to be my "home" for the next couple of months... I can't tell you how fortunate I have been to be in this place. I truly has helped me A LOT!  It is partly because of them, that I have started this blog.  Everyone is so positive and it is a great environment. I am truly blessed to be at this Rehab. I wish that I would have known about it for my first concussion.

Now you have probably asked yourself how can I be writing my blog. I write what I remember and felt but I have my parents go through and make sure it makes sense and edit it. With this one, I had the order of all of the events out of order haha.