Letter's man Jacket

Ever since I could remember, I have always dreamed about getting a Letter's Man Jacket. This has been my one dream that I new that I could get if I worked hard enough. Not only do I think that it was the coolest thing ever but I also think that it means you are someone important. That you had a talent that you had worked so hard for and loved doing it. I imagine the feeling of getting one being like winning a gold medal in the Olympics.

Besides my religion, sports have been a constant for me in life. I love the feeling of being apart of a team. I love scoring a goal, making a basket, or getting a kill. This brings happiness to me. It makes me feel like I am unstoppable and no one can bring me down. It makes me feel like I belonged somewhere in this big world. Sports are my "safe zone." After my first concussion, it was extremely hard getting back into sports. I
was afraid of failure. I was afraid that I would get another concussion. I was afraid that I wouldn't be good enough because while I was basically at "brain rest", everyone else was practicing and getting better. I can't tell you of how hard this was to accept. But once I got back into sports and was getting better at them, I felt more confidence and was reassurred that I really could do anything and that I have value. But once my second blow to the head occurred, my confidence and reassurance disappeared.

At first, I thought that I would be able to get back into the sports like I did with my first concussion. I was making sure that I was eating good so that I could stay in somewhat good shape. One night, I came to the realization that I only have one brain. If I got another concussion, I possibly wouldn't be as lucky. I may not recover like I have with my two concussions. I could have more troubles. I could not nor can not take that risk. This is when I realized that I could not play contact sports for a while...possibly never again.

This was extremely hard for me... Can you imagine your one thing that you found joy and fun in, being taken away from you? Because of this, I have depression. Their were\are nights where my mom would have to come in and comfort me. Their have been countless nights where I would cry myself asleep. I have never felt so alone or hopeless... I have never felt so lost. I am still working on being able to watch sports on TV or in person. It crushes my heart to see other people being able to do something that I love and me not being able to do it. It's like a skinny person eating a chocolate cake in front of a plump person. It's not fun.

I guess that you can call me a great actor. When you look at me, you can see a girl who is always happy. You can't tell that anything is wrong. You see a smile. A few months ago it was to the point of where I didn't even know that difference between a real smile or a fake smile anymore. If I were to show what I was really was feeling, you wouldn't want to be around me because I would just bring you down. Just once, I've wanted someone besides my mom to look into my eyes and know that I was not ok and hug me. The only other person besides my mom that has done that is someone in my church who has had a couple of concussions herself and is having major back problems right now. For some reason, she understands me and I understand her.

I am still in shock that this concussion happened. I am still in shock that I can't play contact sports. I am still in shock that this has been my life for about 1 1\2 years. I was supposed to have the typical teenage life.

Square One

Hello again! Sorry it has taken so long to continue my story! I had it all ready to publish and it was deleted somehow! So I had to redo everything! haha. On my previous post, I talked about my first traumatic brain injury. Looking back, I cannot believe that I survived that. It was like living your worst nightmare. Yes, there are worse things than a traumatic brain injury, but as an innocent teenager, it was rough.

In my previous blog, I left off saying that when I was finally able to go back to school in the fall, for my sophomore year, it was so great to be a regular teenager for a while, because it really was. Think of it like you got paralyzed and had to be in a wheel chair. After about 10 months, you were able to walk again for a short period of time. Then something happened and all of a sudden you were back to square one, paralyzed again.  I cannot tell you of how hard having another concussion was for me. I am happy that I was able to experience "normal" again, even if it was only for a brief period of time.

I have been an athlete all of my life. I played soccer since I was probably about 3 and played until high school. I've done other sports like softball, basketball and stuff along those lines. During middle school, I picked up volleyball and played it my freshman and sophomore year. In fact, when I started volleyball again after my first concussion, I didn't know if I would make the school team.  I did make the team but I was probably the last one to make it!  At first after a long day of school, I was so physically and mentally exhausted that I thought I couldn’t do it. But I kept pushing through. For the first few games I spent most of the time on the bench. By the end of the season I started and played in basically all of the matches. At the end of the year banquet, I was awarded the most improved player of the year. I know that this is not that big of an award, but for me, this was like seeing all of my hard work really being paid off for not only volleyball but for also working so hard on coming back from my concussion.

I have been a basketball player since I was about 7.  There were days where I would practice all day by myself. I really got a lot of satisfaction from basketball. There were also the hard days where no matter what I did, it seemed, the coach would pick on me. Basketball has always been a pretty big part of me. I was captain of a lot of teams growing up. In middle school, I was captain in my 7th and 8th grade year. As a freshman, I was co-captain for the JV team. This sport is literally a part of me. If you had worked really hard at something for the majority of your life, you wouldn't stop until you had to. So me being me, tried basketball again after my first concussion. I started going to the intramurals in the beginning of November. My mechanics were rough at first because I hadn't played for almost a year. But each day, I was getting better. To be honest, I was a little scared at first, but I loved being able to play again. I felt freedom. During this time, I was doing very well in school. I was very excited to be able to feel "normal.“  

On November 6th, about 1 week after I started basketball again, we were playing a drill. In this drill I was boxing out a girl and the girl jumped over me, came down on me and elbowed me in the exact spot that I had hit my head with my previous concussion. I must not have boxed her out very well. I was fine... or so I thought. I didn't fall to the ground, pass out or anything. The hit was hard enough that the assistant coach pulled me out for a little bit to get some rest, but we didn't think anything of it.... again... haha. I mean, who gets a concussion from an elbow to the head? Well…….apparently me! That night I told my family about the elbow to my head.  We were all concerned….I thought about it all weekend.  I finally decided that maybe I should give basketball a rest for right now and do it the next year when my head is more fully healed and ready to go.

About two weeks later I started getting the weird head pressure and aches.  I started not being able to follow what my teachers were saying or being able to remember things in school. At this point, I remember having a meltdown, because I really did not want to go through this nightmare again. On Thanksgiving weekend we knew that something was up for sure. I couldn't sit through a dinner at a restaurant because of all the noise and commotion. Everything started to bother me again. I just could not believe it!  I was back to square one. This really knocked me emotionally.   I worked so hard to come back to normal from the first concussion. I was just “out of fuel” and couldn't go through it again. I just couldn't!

We heard from a friend of a friend, who had kind of gone through a similar thing. They felt that I should go to this Osteopathic University that had helped her a lot. I tried it for about 3 weeks, every Wednesday.  To be honest, it was by far the weirdest place I have been too. The whole time I would just lay down and they would feel my head and try to communicate to and with my body. This did not help me, and throughout this time, everything seemed to be getting worse.

My mom had a meeting with the public school that I was attending. This time, they were so much more helpful and rather than “un-enrolling” me, they literally “froze” my grades for me. Understanding the importance of me having to “rest” my brain, they also told my mom not to have me come back to school after semester finals, January 21^st. This was a major blessing for me. I didn't have to worry about making up homework or trying to spend hours studying for finals.

 My mom and I eventually drove up to see the doctors at the Concussion Clinic in Provo on 12\17\14. They told me that I would get better but that it would take some time. They gave me hope, but as you can imagine, my emotional level was still bad.

During Winter break and Christmas, my family and I had planned to go to Idaho. My dad’s family has a cabin on the bank of Henry’s Fork of the Snake River. This is my favorite vacation spot! I was so excited to go there and be free from distractions and to just breathe the fresh air up in the mountains. Unfortunately, we had car problems.  We spent an unexpected night stay in St. George, Utah and in Rexburg, Idaho. This broke up the drive up, but because of this, we were only at the cabin for about 4 days.  I was limited in what I could do at the cabin. I just couldn't do the things that I love to do up there in the winter like sledding, snowmobile rides, snowball fights,  playing cards, and singing Christmas songs, but I tried to make the best of it with my head and everything. Let me tell you though, the 12 hour car ride back was not delightful.

I can't remember a lot of my second concussion symptoms because they have not come back to me yet. But I had pretty much have all of the same symptoms I experienced with my first concussion. I distinctly remember when my nausea came on. It came about the 2nd week of winter break. One night it was so bad that I couldn't even walk. I just sat down and cried for about an hour and a half until it finally calmed down a little bit. Yes, my head aches are bad, but this time the nausea seems to be the worst.  I can’t eat. I can’t sleep.  I can’t concentrate.   I can't do anything! It seems that I constantly felt sick to my stomach. For about two months, I lost my appetite. During that time I was also having some light sensitivity but not as much as with my first concussion.

After Winter break, I started to go to Physical Therapy.  I also made quite a few trips to a family friend who is chiropractor. The Chiropractor was one of my heroes from my first concussion.  My neck muscles were so tight. The Chiropractor and the Physical Therapist were both impressed with how tight I was. After about a month, the muscles still weren't relaxing. So my dad set up an appointment to have some trigger point injections. At first I was kind of skeptical and nervous about this, but then I remembered that my dad is an anesthesiologist! He does this type of stuff for a living, so I realized that I would be ok! haha. The trigger point injections helped me Big Time! Between Physical Therapy, seeing my chiropractor, and trigger point injections, my neck muscles began to loosen up and now don't feel nearly as tense anymore. This seems to have had a direct effect on my head pressure and headaches.  However, I still can’t figure out what makes me so nauseated!

I started going back school on the January 21st! HAZAAAH! At first I thought that it was going to be easy but unfortunately the first day, I only made it for an hour and 20 minutes!  I could barely even write my name.  I could not even follow what my teacher was talking about.  She gave me some notes and papers to put in my science note book for the next day.  That night I could not do it. I had to have my mom help me put them in order and number the pages. The next day I made a goal to stay until the end of second period. I left 10 minutes short, but I was able to go through most of it. When my mom asked me about the things we had talked about or done that day, I could not remember anything.  My goal was to make it to lunch by the end of the first week. I finally did. It was fun to see my friends but I couldn't stay for long because of all the noise and commotion added to my confusion and headaches. My goal was to go a little longer each day. I wasn’t able to make it through a full day of school during the next 2 weeks.  I was barely able to follow my teachers for about 5 minutes and maybe do one or two problems on an assignment. I could read a paragraph to myself but not out loud. As you can imagine this was really difficult for me. People would look at me I would hear them asking someone, “What’s wrong with "her". This really made my self-esteem low... It was great to see all of my old friends, but it was really hard when I saw them do things that I love to do, but could no longer participate in.

So after 3 weeks, I was still not processing much of the information I was being taught in school. I realized that this wasn't working. I heard from a friend, who also had post-concussion syndrome, that he was going to a school that is basically a “rehab” for people with traumatic brain injuries. This school is called NCEP (Nevada Community Enrichment Program). My mom and I followed him one morning to the school to check it out. When we got there, this lady took us into her office.  She lowered the lights, spoke softly, and directly to me. I could tell right then and there that she understood what I was going through.  I told her about my concussions and she evaluated me.  By the end of the evaluation she said that she thought this school could do a lot of good for me. She gave us a tour of the place. To be honest I was kinda scared and nervous about it... It seemed like a place that you would go and do service for.  Many of Its participants had some real serious neurological brain issues.   Can you imagine needing to be in a school like this? This thought of having to attend this school was difficult to overcome but it was also very humbling.

 I couldn't start going to NCEP until I was signed up to do my school classes with the “Homebound” school program.   We also had to get an appointment with a local neurologist in order to be admitted to NCEP.  When we went to see my new neurologist, I explained to him all of my symptoms and everything. He said that I definitely had post-concussion syndrome and that it would take some more time to get better.  We started some medicine that would help "jump start" my brain and basically to get it thinking again. My mom and I really liked him. Thank goodness! haha. But the one thing that I didn't like to hear from both the Provo doctors and the neurologist, was that it would again, take time, for me to recover. Honestly, this knocked me so hard emotionally. I wanted it to be all over quickly, I did not want to hear it would still take more time....

On my Birthday, February 25, I started Rehab at NCEP. It was pretty great. My first class was “Today's News”. We didn't get much done that day, because everyone was introducing themselves to me. I can't tell you how humbled I was. There were people in wheelchairs and walkers. There were people who could barely even speak. There were people who didn't even know where they were. I just felt so bad for them. Just knowing that a little while ago they were "normal" people, they were functioning human beings. I can't describe how that made me feel.

This was going to be my "home" for the next couple of months... I can't tell you how fortunate I have been to be in this place. I truly has helped me A LOT!  It is partly because of them, that I have started this blog.  Everyone is so positive and it is a great environment. I am truly blessed to be at this Rehab. I wish that I would have known about it for my first concussion.

Now you have probably asked yourself how can I be writing my blog. I write what I remember and felt but I have my parents go through and make sure it makes sense and edit it. With this one, I had the order of all of the events out of order haha.  

The Beginning:D

      Hello Blog world! This is my first blog ever! So please bare with me if it is not any good haha. I am 16 years old. So as you can imagine my life can get crazy. The title of this blog is called "Not Your Typical Teenage Life" because I have had TWO traumatic brain injuries in this past year- also known as bad concussions.  Now as a teenager, this was very hard and not normal. So I'm going to tell you about my journey!

My story begins on the first of January 2013 at 12:15 in the morning. I was in the kitchen with my friends and we had just gotten back from a church dance for the New Year. Out of no where I fainted. Now just to clarify, I do not drink nor do I ever plan on drinking or even doing drugs for that matter. (This was hard for my school nurse to grasp.) Anyways, on the way down I hit the side of my chin on the counter and then hit the back of my head on the tile floor. After  a couple of minutes I "woke up." I was a bit confused at first but then I caught on that I had fainted. After a couple minutes laying on the cold tile floor,  I stood up and was completely fine. The only thing that hurt was my chin. The back of my head felt completely fine so we didn't think to go to the hospital or anything like that. My friends on the other hand were scarred for  life! haha But they were pretty good about it.

 Two weeks later, my symptoms started coming. At this time, I was going to a high school (that shall remain unnamed) that is an arts school. I was going there for their Jazz Band program as a pianist. I was also co-captain on the JV basketball team for my zoned High school.

       As a freshman I thought that things couldn't get any better but of coarse that changed quickly... I didn't know what was happening. All I knew was that I was really confused. Especially when I was playing basketball. My shooting was off, dribbling was difficult, and sometimes I couldn't remember the plays or anything. Keep in mind, I was co-caption of the team. So at this point I knew that something was wrong, but I didn't think it was anything that big. During this time I was also experiencing sharp shooting pains in my head, head pressure, not being able to concentrate, and some nausea. Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking how in the world did I not know that I had a concussion? Well, Idk. Before this I didn't really know what a concussion was. Also, when I fainted and woke up, I didn't feel ANY pain in my head. That came about two to three weeks later.

So my mom took me to see my doctor. She diagnosed me as having a sinus infection. Of coarse the medicine did not work. During this time,  school seemed a little harder. Semester finals were coming up and I wanted to do well. So one night I legitimately studied for 6 hours and I felt pretty good about what I had studied. The next day, I couldn't remember a thing. This is when my parents and I knew that we were facing something bigger. I failed basically all of my finals. I remember crying so hard one night because I didn't know what was going on and all of my friends basically aced their finals. This was extremely difficult.

         So my mom set up an appointment to see a neurologist on 2\14\13 (Valentines Day). When we went to see him, I was a mess. I told him everything that I was feeling. Nausea, headaches, head pressure, confusion, sensitivity to noise, and some light. Now I wasn't really feeling well enough to talk or to even comprehend the big words that he was saying. So as any kid would, I looked at my mom for help. My mom told him some of the symptoms that I was experiencing. Right away he said that I was having monster migraines. So he told me not to go to school for two weeks and to do nothing physical.  At first I was thinking yay, no school!  But then I realized that I wouldn't be able to do anything.  I would basically be on bed rest and in pain.  Not fun.  He also said that I had Post-Concussion Syndrome as he walked out. That's where your symptoms are delayed from your accident. As you can imagine, this was challenging. So he prescribed some medicine and that was that. I wouldn't see him for another 6 weeks.

When the two week mark finally came to go back to school, I wasn't any better. In fact, I was worse. I knew that I could not go back to school. So my dad looked up concussion places online and came across a concussion clinic  at the Orthopedics and  Sports Medicine Center in Provo, Utah . My parents talked about it and came to an agreement that this is where I needed to go to get some better answers and help. So that day, 3\6\13, they called to get an appointment.  The Concussion Clinic wanted to see me the very next day.  We were very surprised that we were able to get in that soon.

           So my mom and I drove 6 hours the next day from Las Vegas to Utah to go and see this Concussion Clinic. The ride was dreadful, never ending, and  full of suspense. Suspense because I wasn't getting better and I was thinking, "Man, I must have a brain tumor or something like that because nothing is working for me!" The long car ride wasn't helping, my head pressure was so intense. When we got there, they had me fill out this sheet that had basically all my symptoms on it that I was feeling.  They had me rank my symptoms on a scale of one to ten. Symptoms on the sheet were:

1. Headache/Head-Pressure
2. Nausea
3.  Vomiting
4.  Balance Problems
5.  Dizziness
6. Visual Problems
7. Fatigue
8.  Sensitivity to light and noise
9.  Numbness/tingling
10. Feeling mentally foggy
11.  Feeling slowed down
12.  Difficulty concentrating
13.  Difficulty Remembering
14.  Drowsiness
15.  Sleeping less than usual
16.  More sleep than usual
17. Trouble falling asleep
18. Irritability
19. Sadness
20. Nervousness
21.  Feeling more emotional

I can't tell you how nice it was to know that I wasn't crazy. That these symptoms were not just all in my head.  That they actually could all be something. My symptoms were: headache\head pressure,  fatigue, balance problems, dizziness,  sensitivity to light and noise, numbness and tingling, feeling mentally foggy, feeling slowed down, difficulty concentrating, difficulty remembering, drowsiness, trouble falling asleep,  and feeling more emotional.  They agreed that I had Post Concussion Syndrome.

        The doctors I saw in Provo also told me to go to Physical Therapy when I got home. So when my mom and I finally got back from Provo, we went to see a physical therapist that Thursday. He evaluated me and told me that before he worked on me that I need to go to a Balance Center because my balance was horrible. When I would close my eyes, I would fall backwards and wouldn't be able stand still. Usually, you would be able to stand still. Haha try it! They also said to do no physical activity and to watch some romantic comedies. I had a problem with no physical activity but I had no problem with the romantic comedies. I LOVE cheesy romantic movies haha. Like the ones on hallmark!:D

Now during all of this, my mom was trying to work with my school.  She had meetings with the counselor and nurse at my school and was hoping to set up a game plan for me. Unfortunately they could not understand that I really could not process the information.  That  I really was not able to do all that work. They were more worried about the work I needed to do for my classes and everything. Well, after a while they called my mom and basically said," She has missed to much school. If you don't withdraw your daughter then we will." So that took care of that. Because they were a magnet school, my grades weren't sufficient so they basically kicked me out. In a small way, that was an answer to our prays because I didn't have to worry about school. Haha my dad said, " I don't know what to do. I've never had a child with all F's who has gotten kicked out of a magnet school!" Haha I thought it was pretty funny to hear my dad say something like that because I had never gotten an F before that or get kicked out of school!

          Weirdly, this is about when things started to look up. Twice a week I would go to the Balance Center and about 2 times a month I would go to the Concussion Clinic up in Provo. My parents and family were amazing through all of this. Haha one of my symptoms was short term memory difficulties. So my sisters, being sisters, would tell me the same joke every day and I would laugh just as hard the next day. Until I finally wrote the joke down on my hand so that I would remember it. haha.

 Now this wasn't easy at all.For about four months I was in darkness. The light burned my eyes. Every blind was shut in my house. I was constantly nauseous. My headaches weren't your typical headaches. They felt like knives going in my head but it would only last for about 5 seconds to 2 minutes depending on the headache. They would be in a different place every time. I was also ALWAYS tired. It was a big accomplishment for me to walk up to a park in my neighborhood that was just right up the street. So that you can get an idea of how far this park is, If you were walking regularly is would take about 30 seconds. I remember the first day doing this and of how happy I was with myself for doing something. 

Just so that you can get an idea, I was out with a concussion for about 6-7 months. Can you imagine that? Your whole life changed in one of the times in your life that you are trying to figure out who your really are and what difference you are going to make and having to almost stop and re-learn everything.

          This whole experience sure had it's ups and downs... mostly downs. But I've defiantly come out of it for the better.  I was finally getting back to 100% during the 2nd quarter of this school year. I was on the JV Volleyball team and I was getting really good grades. I was really proud of myself. I put all my effort into getting better. This probably drained me. But I'm glad that I was able to become a regular teenager for a short time! It was so worth it!